Wild Magic is better when the player is not in charge

My rule

Wild Magic Sorcerers are awesome, but half the fun is not knowing what is going to happen, or when. The DM rolls at every opportunity, and Tides of Chaos gives Disadvantage to those rolls. That said, the DM can always suppress a Wild Surge event.

Rationale

I love Wild Magic. But it suffers from being too little, too wild, and a little too confusing. So here are the rules I use.

• The DM remains in control: Whatever the rules I outline below, the DM always remains in control of all aspects of Wild Magic. Why? Because it can be a real buzzkill. It can quite literally kill the party, ruin the adventure, and put your cat outside. So, the DM always has veto over anything Wild Magic related. Call it Mystra watching over the Weave.
• The DM rolls for everything, part 1: A lot of DMs (including me) don't want the power to decide when a Wild Surge happens. In RAW, it states that the DM chooses when the player is to roll a Wild Surge chance, and when the player is to roll a Wild Surge event after Tides of Chaos is used. That's too much pressure. So here's my rule: the DM rolls a 1d20 every single time a wild magic Sorcerer casts a spell of level 1 or higher. Yes, that makes it happen on 5% of casts, but y'all wanted a wild mage, right? Here you go.
• The DM rolls for everything, part 2: Half of the Wild Surges, even on the RAW table, are subtle, and more fun if the player does not know what is happening. So, when I DM a Wild Mage (and I ask for this treatment when I play a Wild Mage, too), the DM makes all the rolls to trigger a Wild Surge, and all the rolls on the Wild Surge table(s). Then, depending, the DM will tell the player(s) what is happening. I've done it both ways, and this is more fun.
• Tides of Chaos gives Disadvantage to wild surge rolls: Tides of Chaos is a weird one. It's basically like a lot of other abilities, Halfling luck, bardic inspiration, Warlock luck, etc. And you only get to use it once per long rest, like a lot of those abilities. But it causes a Wild Surge (again, at the DM's discretion in RAW), and it resets when that Wild Surge happens. In keeping with the DM rolling for everything, in this case, using Tides of Chaos will give Disadvantage to every Wild Surge roll until it triggers or the Sorcerer has a long rest. Roll twice, take the lowest, in case it needs to be spelled out.
• 14th level Sorcerers get to know what will happen: At 14th level, wild magic Sorcerers get Controlled Chaos, the ability to roll twice and choose the Wild Surge they prefer. At this point you're freakin' 14th level, so it makes sense that you would be able to know what is about to happen, as well as the RAW ability to choose between them. So the DM rolls twice, omits destabilizing results (and rolls again), and the player chooses.
• To repeat (sort of), the DM has veto power: To explain, while the DM remains in control (see the first rule above), I like to have this mainly mean that the DM can veto any wild magic result, not decide to engage in Wild Magic at any time. That's the part about the RAW that really bugs me, the DM getting/having to decide that a Wild Surge happens. Then, if it is crappy, it is their fault. So the way I play it is with the die rolls above, and if it is destabilizing, then the DM can veto it.

There are also many questions about Wild Magic out there, and here are a few that I have researched and discovered answers I like.

• When does a surge happen? This is important for when a Sorcerer casts a ritual spell (which take 10 minutes), but could apply to other circumstances, too. The wild magic is gathered and formed over the course of casting a spell, and is released when the spell is cast. As in the case of RAW ritual spells, if a casting is interrupted, the casting ends, but the spell slot is not lost, and therefore the possible surge does not trigger.
• Does a triggered surge replace the spell that triggered it, or follow it? From Sage Advice: "Does a sorcerer’s Wild Magic Surge effect replace the effect of the spell that triggered it, or do both effects happen? The spell and the Wild Magic Surge effect both happen. As clarified in the errata for the Player’s Handbook, a surge effect that normally requires concentration does not require concentration in this case."
• Does a multi-classed Sorcerer trigger wild magic with wizard/warlock spells? From Sage Advice: "A wizard multiclasses into Wild Magic sorcerer. Do spells cast from their spellbook trigger Wild Magic Surge if they are on the sorcerer spell list, or do they have to gain them from sorcerer to trigger? From the multiclassing rules: “Each spell you know and prepare is associated with one of your classes” (PH, 164). This rule means only the spells gained from levels in sorcerer trigger Wild Magic Surge."

Finally, I use some home-brew(ed by someone else, not me) Wild Surge tables. They incorporate the RAW table, but expand it to include more effects. I like 'em, but have not stopped to consider all 200 individually, so I reserve the right to decide some are stupid/unbalanced. I roll to determine which table to use, then roll on that table. Fun ensues!

Here is the file of Wild Surges I found online: https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B6nhwpjaE7NbaW9sYmpvWFUwMm8/view, and I have replicated the tables below.

Arguments against

About the only arguments against that I can think of is that it takes agency away from the players, and puts too much die-rolling on the DM. These are fine opinions to hold. But I'm doing it as above.

Expanded Wild Surge Tables

These are two tables of Wild Magic Surges. The first contains the RAW table from the PHB, but adds fifty more effects (the RAW table is 01-02, 03-04, 05-06, etc. This is just 01, 02, 03, etc.). The second table adds more effects. Whee! Pick a table, or roll to determine which table to use, or use digital dice to choose a result of 1-200.

1. Roll on this table every round for 1 minute
2. Caster and target switch positions after spell
3. Can see invisible creatures
4. A flaming horse appears (Not Nightmare, real horse)
5. A modron appears within 5 feet for one minute
6. Caster explodes with plant growth
7. Cast Fireball at 3rd level centered on self
8. Weapons in 60’ radius turn to food for 1 minute
9. Cast magic missile as 5th-level spell
10. Caster breathes 30’ fire cone next time they speak
11. Change height by 1d10: Even: grow, Odd: shrink
12. Target is cocooned in crystal until someone breaks it
13. Cast confusion centered on self
14. Cast thunder wave centered on self
15. Regain 5 HP every round for 1 minute
16. Target is transported to Ethereal Plan for 1 minute
17. Grow long beard made of feathers until sneeze
18. Swarm of rats carry caster 30’ in random direction
19. Cast grease centered on self
20. Creatures within 30’ are stuck in place vs Str DC 15
21. For 1 minute, spell targets have disadv. on saves
22. A mature oak sprouts in an unoccupied space in 60’
23. Caster’s skin turns vibrant blue till remove curse
24. Caster can only speak to animals for 24 hours
25. Third eye grows; adv. on Perception for 1 minute
26. Caster gains 100 lbs, move speed halved, 1 minute
27. Spells cost additional bonus round cast time
28. Next turn caster takes no action, vomits 1d100 SP
29. Teleport up to 60 feet away to unoccupied space
30. Caster’s hands become covered in sticky goop
31. Transported to Astral Plane until end of next turn
32. Cabbages sprout abundantly within a 30’ radius
33. Max dmg of next damaging spell cast in next minute
34. Caster can mimic target’s voice perfectly for 24 hrs
35. Age changes 1d10 years. Odd: Younger, Even: Older
36. Caster grows antlers, sheds them in 24 hours
37. 1d6 flumphs appear for 1 minute in 60’; scared
38. Caster and target flung 10’ in opposite directions
39. Regain 2d10 HP
40. Gravity reverses in 30’ radius till start of next turn
41. Become potted plant until start of next turn
42. Caster distracted by cloud of gnats for next minute
43. For next minute, teleport up to 20’ as bonus action
44. Spell ricochets off target to random creature in 30’
45. Cast levitate on self
46. Caster’s money cycles: CP -> SP -> GP -> CP
47. Unicorn appears within 5’ for next minute
48. One of target’s eyes replaced by 500 GP sapphire
49. Cannot speak, emit pink bubbles instead
50. Smoke fumes from caster’s ears for 1 minute
51. Spectral shield, +2 AC, no magic missile for 1 minute
52. Caster gains 3’ prehensile tail for 1 hour
53. Cannot get drunk for 5d6 days
54. All unlocked doors/windows in 60’ fly open
55. Hair falls out, grows back within 24 hours
56. Caster’s face blackened by small explosion
57. For 1 minute, flammable touch (not worn/carried)
58. Geyser lifts caster 50’ in air until start of next turn
59. Regain lowest-level expended spell slot
60. A confused bear appears within 60’ for 1 minute
61. For 1 minute, can only shout when speaking
62. Grass instantly sprouts to 3’ tall within 20’, 1 minute
63. Cast fog cloud centered on self
64. Caster can only breathe underwater for next minute
65. Up to 3 creatures of choice in 30’:4d10 lightning dmg
66. Caster falls Unconscious until start of next turn
67. Frightened by nearest creature until end of next turn
68. If target dies in next minute, its ghost haunts caster
69. Everyone in 30’: invisible for 1 minute or till atk/cast
70. All within 60’ saves vs Wis 15 or drops w/e they hold
71. Resistance to all damage for next minute
72. Everything within 20’ pulled 10’ toward caster
73. Random creature within 60’ is poisoned for 24 hours
74. Caster smells like lavender for 1d6 days
75. Glow brightly for 1 minute. Blind others within 5’.
76. Casters clothes become uncomfortably tight
77. Cast polymorph on self. Fail save: Sheep form.
78. If spell would kill target, target’s extremities fly apart
79. Illusory butterflies/flowers flutter in 5’ radius 1 min.
80. Caster trapped in a giant glass ball
81. Take one additional action immediately
82. Caster’s fists become huge, deal 1d8 B dmg, 1 min.
83. Others in 30’: 1d10 necro dmg. Gain HP equal to loss
84. Loud voice ridicules caster on init count 20 for 1 min
85. Cast mirror image on self
86. Caster’s arms become tentacles for 1 minute
87. Cast fly on random creature within 60’
88. Large floating eye follows caster for 1 hour
89. Become invisible/silent for 1 minute or till atk/cast
90. Caster’s INT and STR swap for 1 hour
91. If you die in next minute, come back per reincarnate
92. Caster sees everyone as a decaying corpse for 24h
93. Size increases by 1 size category for 1 minute
94. All fires within 60’ radius extinguished
95. You and all in 30’: vulnerable to piercing dmg, 1 min.
96. Caster becomes frightened of a color for 1 hour
97. Surrounded by faint ethereal music for 1 minute
98. Caster suffers a head cold for 24 hours
99. Regain all expended Sorcery Points
100. Next phrase spoken by caster becomes true

1. Roll two more times. All effects happen at once.
2. Wall of force appears in front of caster
3. Caster smells like a skunk for duration of spell
4. Caster’s hair grows one foot in length
5. Caster drops one size category for 1 hour
6. Wall of Fire encircles caster
7. Caster suffers same spell effect as target
8. Caster blinded and invisible for one minute
9. Caster’s eyes glow like lanterns for 24 hours
10. Whirlwinds whip around caster until next turn
11. Spell functions, any applicable saving throw auto-fail
12. Spell fails but it and spent slot are retained
13. Spell appears to fail but occurs 1d4 rounds later
14. Caster and all within 10’ heal 1d8 HP
15. Target is stunned for one round
16. Caster suffers hiccups for 1 hour (as poisoned, loud)
17. Caster and target vanish to Ethereal Plane, 1 minute
18. Caster’s movement leaves color trails for 1 minute
19. Caster’s skin transparent for 1 round
20. Every step causes tremors, shaking nearby
21. Swarm of centipedes burst forth from caster’s skin
22. Caster’s move speed 2x for 1 hr, then 1 lvl exhaustion
23. Imbued with extra confidence, Adv. on Charisma 24h
24. Cloud of smoke explodes from hands, lasts 3 rounds
25. Spectral audience of 1,000s appears to observe spell
26. Clone appears claiming to be original, lasts 1 minute
27. Caster’s clothes become tattered, frayed, delicate
28. Mirror image cast on target
29. Caster suffers one level of exhaustion
30. 5 mile radius around caster: thunderstorms, 24 hours
31. Every person and animal appears skeletal to caster
32. Caster: DC 15 Wis save or fear of target’’s type, 24h
33. Target starts sobbing, incapacitated till 1 min or hit
34. Floor in 5’ radius of caster turns to 1’ deep mud
35. Grow fangs (1d6 p dmg) fall out in 1 month, replaced
36. Target is transported one-way to Ethereal Plane
37. Target is covered in weeping sores, 1d6 necro dmg
38. A frog leaps out of the caster’s mouth
39. Water within 30’ radius boils away
40. Caster suffers awful nosebleed till start of next turn
41. Hallucinations render caster blind for 1d4 rounds
42. Caster has barkskin (AC 16), flakes off in 1d4 rounds
43. Plants in 30’ radius stretch toward caster, try grapple
44. Wind blasts from caster. 10’ rad Str save else prone
45. Casters hair bursts into flame, 1d6 fire dmg
46. Caster suffers extremely violent thoughts very briefly
47. Caster’s face breaks out in acne for 1d6 days
48. Caster’s hair turns bone white (future hair has color)
49. Caster gains Truesight for 1d6 days
50. Caster’s hands burned. 1d6 dmg, painful for 1 day
51. A terrible stench suffuses the area in 50’ radius
52. Sustained harmonious chord plays, audible 500’ rad
53. Caster gains 8 temporary hit points
54. Spell deals maximum possible damage, if applicable
55. Ground shoots up in spikes to surround the caster
56. Spell’s duration is doubled, if applicable
57. Spell fires in random direction if range is not Touch
58. Caster grappled by spectral tentacle for 1d4 rounds
59. Target’s teeth fall out
60. Target is petrified for 1d4 rounds
61. Any ferrous material on target immediately corrodes
62. 5’ radius of caster air turns to water, splashes down
63. Caster’s arms fade into the Ethereal for 1d4 rounds
64. Caster afflicted with pica for 1d6 days
65. 5 gallons of sand appear between caster’s hands
66. Spell fizzles, nothing happens
67. Caster’s hands encased in bricks of hard clay
68. Caster’s tongue triples in length for 1d12 hours
69. Anyone in 30’ radius checks Concentration, if needed
70. Caster’s carnium transparent till remove curse
71. Caster casts color spray simultaneous with spell
72. Exposed fragile objects in 30’ radius shatter
73. Caster becomes voraciously hungry
74. Caster’s bones are gold. Spd 5’ till remove curse
75. Caster suffers acute amnesia (stunned) 1d4 rounds
76. Wounds open on caster’s palms, 1d4 necro dmg
77. Target must take Dash action on its next turn
78. 1d4 stirges appear, crash to ground, fly on init. 20
79. 2 thin red cords connect caster’s hands to target
80. 50’ rad of caster: darkness, except within 10’ rad
81. Caster cannot speak, only sing, for 1d6 hours
82. Caster finds food disgustingly bland, 1d6 days
83. Target knocked prone
84. Caster reflexively vomits at next sip of alcohol
85. Target enters a Rage, as per barbarian
86. Caster’s shoes have irreparably fused to the ground
87. Caster’s fingers become frostbitten
88. Caster asthma attack, move spd halved, 1d4 rounds
89. Target overwhelmed with desire to eat caster
90. Harmless bright sparks erupt from caster’s hands
91. Caster develops an ostentatious sense of fashion
92. Caster’s back covered with moving, swirling tattoos
93. Caster gains retractable claws, 1d4 s dmg, 1d6 days
94. Caster doubles in size until start of next turn
95. Ferrous items < 500 lbs in 30’ pulled toward caster
96. Target driven mad, stunned, Wis save every hour
97. Caster doubts reality 1d6 hours, stunned 1d6 rounds
98. Target ages 1d100 years, possibly dying of old age
99. Target takes an additional 6d6 force damage
100. Spell reversed, if reverse is possible

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